Dix: Hi, Harry. You’re early as usual. How’s it going?

Harry: Hey Dix. I’m good. Well, what’s with the new look? Is “causal Fridays” a thing at your gardening shop now? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a vest before. I know it’s hot outside, but what will your customers think?

Dix: Trust me, I didn’t wear this to work this morning. You know, I was such a pillock, I spilt coffee all over myself when I was about to leave the shop. So, I quickly changed into whatever I had in the office before coming to meet you guys.

Harry: It looks good on you, you should wear vests more often. Out of curiosity, do you normally keep a skimpy little vest at work just in case of any accidental spillage, or possibly a last minute hot date? It looks like the sort of thing Butch would wear when he’s out clubbing.

Dix: Of course, I don’t! Funny you mentioned Butch because it’s all his fault. He kept going on and on about how no self-respecting bear could live without a vest, so I finally bought one the other day, but left it at work unintentionally. Therefore, it’s a toss up between my shiny new vest or a muddy overall. A no-brainer, really.

Harry: At least, nobody will raise an eyebrow in the middle of a heatwave. The heat has been insufferable recently, I wish I didn’t have to wear that thick paramedic uniform at work.

Dix: I bet. How’s work going? Were you busy as usual?

Harry: Always. You have no idea, how relieved I was when my shift was finally over early this afternoon. Thankfully, no one died on my watch today, so I can’t complain.

Dix: That’s good, you can relax with a few beers now.

Butch: Afternoon Harry. Who’s this hottie you’re talking to? The Dix I know would never wear a tiny tank top like this, unless he’s on the pull. What have you done to him?

Dix: Nice to see you, too, Butch. Did you remember telling me I’d look good in a vest and I should try one? I took your advice and bought this when I saw it was reduced.

Butch: If it’s reduced any further, your little pointy nipples will be poking out.

Harry: Just leave him alone. How can they charge more for a vest than a T-shirt, but with less fabric, I’ve no idea. Come to think of it, you did suggest he should wear vests more often.

Butch: Really? I might have. Honestly, it suits you. You look like you are on a beach holiday, or off to a bear club.

Dix: Thanks, glad you approve. Well, that’s what I’ve in mind when I bought it.

Harry: I don’t know about you guys, but I can murder a cold beer. Beer anyone?

Butch: Yes, please. I thought you’ll never ask. An ice-cold beer will be great.

Dix: Same here. I’ve been desperate for a refreshing pint of beer since lunchtime.

Harry: OK, three beers coming right up.

Butch: So, Dix, how’s life treating you?

Dix: I was having a good day until I poured coffee over myself this afternoon, that’s why I’m wearing this vest now.

Butch: Never mind. It actually shows off your body pretty well, and perfect for a hot summer day like today. I wish I can get away with wearing a tank top to work myself, but at least we don’t have to wear a tie any more, so I’m thankful for the small mercies.

Dix: I can’t imagine wearing a tie day in, day out, whatever the weather. Our heatwaves never last very long, anyway. Isn’t there air conditioning in your office?

Butch: There’s supposed to be, but never works very well. That’s apart from the room where all the servers live, which is kept at a nice cool temperature around the clock. It would be nice working in there instead of sweating like a little piggy at my desk.

Dix: Don’t complain, we only have a fan, and pigs don’t really sweat much. It’s not too bad when there’s a draught blowing through the shop. On days like today, I wouldn’t mind working with my top off, but it won’t look very professional.

Butch: Not unless you’re a builder, or a go-go boy, but I know what you mean. So, how’s your business going?

Dix: Pretty steady, and obviously the hot weather helps. Everybody is inviting their friends and family around for barbecues, so naturally wanted the garden to look its best.

Butch: I can imagine, it must be a busy time for you. It’s a shame I don’t have a big garden like Harry and Ian. They really know how to throw great garden parties.

Dix: Yeah. It was my the first time last summer, and had a great time. I ate so much, I even had to loosen my belt by the end of the afternoon.

Butch: I know that feeling. They always prepare a lot of food just in case the bears are starving.

Dix: Who are you kidding? Bears are always starving! Are they doing one again this year?

Butch: Most probably. We should ask him when he’s back. I have to make sure I’m free for it.

Dix: Yeah, I’d hate to miss it, too. I’m feeling hungry just thinking about all the yummy food.

Butch: If the weather is like today, you should wear this tank top to the party. No doubt you’ll be turning heads left, right, and centre.

Dix: Are you sure? If I stuff my face with as much food as last time, I doubt the tank top will stretch enough to cover my huge, bulging belly.

Butch: Who cares? Most of the guys there will probably have their tops off with their big guts hanging out anyway.

Dix: Speak for yourself! That’s just one of the many benefits about bear gatherings.

Butch: Wouldn’t it be great if they lit up the fire pit and barbecue, so we can party into the night?

Dix: Definitely, I love barbecues! Believe it or not, I’m an expert at roasting marshmallows.

Butch: Is that right? I haven’t had roasted marshmallows since I was a young kid. I used to make them myself whenever I went on camping trips.

Dix: You haven’t tried mine yet. Crispy on the outside, but hot and gooey inside, a perfect combination.

Butch: Well, that brings back memories. It usually got so messy, I had to suck my sticky fingers clean thoroughly, one at a time. Thinking of it, I still do, and not just fingers, but nice cocks covered in thick cum too.

Dix: Why do you have to drag sex into everything? Actually, I used to do the same thing, too.

Butch: What? Licking your fingers, or sucking cocks? Or both? Oh, Harry, that’s quick. Thanks for getting the beer.

Harry: You’re welcomed. One for you too, Dix.

Dix: Thank you very much. I needed it.

Harry: What are you guys talking about? Why are you looking at me funny? Is there something on my face?

Dix: No, it’s just Butch being crass as usual. Since you asked, we were just saying how much we love your garden parties. Are you having one this year?

Harry: Of course, but Ian and I haven’t really talked about it yet. As you know, Ian has been busy with the Pirates of Penzance, now it is finished, we will start planning what we’re doing this summer. Don’t worry, you’ll receive your invitation to the party once we’ve come up with a date.

Butch: Thanks. If this weather is anything to go by, I won’t miss it for the world. Have you thought about firing up your barbecue and fire pit, keeping the party going after dark?

Harry: No, but I'll mention it to Ian. I doubt the old pyromaniac wouldn’t say no to starting a fire.

Butch: I’m sure it’ll be a fun and sweaty night of debauchery. And I’ll drink to that!

Dix: Me too. To a sweaty night of debauchery! I can’t wait.

Harry: A sweaty night of debauchery to you guys, too! I dread to think what our neighbours will think of us partying to the small hours of the night.

Butch: Just invite them along. You’ll never know, they might enjoy themselves.

Harry: We normally do, and some of our neighbours have dropped in to our parties before. Most of them are really friendly, apart from this one family who we think is a bit homophobic.

Dix: Yeah? Why do you say that?

Harry: Just little things we noticed. Ian reckons they're afraid their two little boys will turn gay if they come near us.

Butch: That’s ridiculous! I can’t believe there are still people who think being gay is contagious.

Harry: Unfortunately so. Didn’t you get the memo from our big gay brotherhood about the plan to corrupt all impressionable young men?

Butch: I must have missed it! I didn’t know anyone who’s gay when I was growing up, and still turned out to be a raving homosexual. How do they explain that?

Dix: Same here. So few people were out in those days, even if I’ve met any, I’m none the wiser. I do wish there was someone who would show me it was alright to be different back then.

Harry: Yeah. Positive gay role models kids can look up to were hard to come by when we were young. Well, time has changed. Now, prominent gay men and the wider LBGT community are everywhere. They’re in showbiz, industries, even sports, so anyone struggling can be reassured they’re not the only one and their sexuality won’t hold them back in life.

Butch: Amen, to that! It makes a big difference to have high-profile swimmers, athletes, and even rugby players come out of the closet. I’d come out earlier if I had to do it all over again.

Dix: It’s never too late. Many famous chefs, musicians, celebrities, even politicians are coming out of the closet every day. I read in the news that even a granddad in his 80s has come out after his wife of over 50 years had passed away.

Butch: Is he single and looking to hook up? Sounds like he’s just right for you, Dix.

Dix: You’re such a comedian, you should turn professional! It’s no secret, I fancy older men, but half a century my senior is one serious generation gap.

Harry: I bet it was a huge relief, finally acknowledging his sexuality publicly, after living a double life for decades.

Dix: The article said his children and extended family have accepted his new life with open arms. I thought it’s a beautiful story.

Butch: Definitely. It won’t surprise me if he had many gay lovers, or at least encounters through the years. I wonder if his wife knew.

Dix: Apparently, he was deeply in love with another soldier who he served with during the WWII, but they went their separate ways after the fighting was over and led different lives.

Harry: That’s so sad, but I’m sure it’s not uncommon in those days.

Dix: He was really upset when he heard that soldier had died twenty-something years after they last saw each other, and confessed to his wife about being gay.

Butch: I think it’s impossible for her not to suspect something after being married for so many years, but if he has been a good husband and father, does it matter?

Harry: It’s funny how we see old people being all conservative and sexless, forgetting they too had been young once, and often are more open-minded than many people give them credit for.

Dix: Tell me about it. Most daddy bears I’ve played with are horny all the time, and a few are as kinky as Butch here.

Butch: Me, kinky? I’m an angel compared to many.

Harry: All your gears and toys will say otherwise. You’re definitely more adventurous than most.

Butch: Take one to know one. We’ve known each other for a long time and there are things you have done, even I won’t do.

Harry: Yeah, yeah. I’m no saint either, and never pretend to be one.

Dix: You might not be a saint behind closed doors, but definitely one at work. So, how many lives have you saved so far this week?

Harry: I don’t keep track, but I did attend numerous heart attacks and strokes as usual, on top of all the minor injuries. But guess what? I even delivered a baby a couple of days ago.

Butch: No way? I’ve no idea midwifery is part of your job description. I’m not sure if I know what to do with a woman in labour.

Harry: It doesn’t happen very often, but we are trained for it.

Dix: It must be magical, witnessing and helping the miracle of birth.

Harry: You would think so, but in reality it’s really noisy and messy. I’m just thankful it’s something I’ll never go through myself.

Butch: Who knows? Judging by the amount of sex you have with Ian, I’m surprised you’re not pregnant already!

Harry: Ha! Now that would take more than a miracle.

Butch: Seriously, I can tolerate a lot of pain, but childbirth is on a different level altogether. I suppose that’s the price human beings pay for standing and walking upright.

Dix: I do like the idea of kids, but not sure if I like one of my own, though.

Butch: The feeling is mutual. I love my nieces and nephews to bits, but it’s great handing them back after I’ve finished playing with them. Out of curiosity, Harry, have you and Ian thought about adopting or having a kid through surrogacy?

Harry: I think Ian would make a great father, but we discussed it before we got married, and neither of us wanted kids. It’s especially true for Ian, who has plenty of experience as a teacher dealing with troubled children at his school.

Butch: What, you don’t like the idea of a little Ian or Harry running around you?

Harry: It’s hard enough having an adult Ian around some times, I don’t think I can cope with a little one as well.

Dix: Maybe he or she will be more like you?

Harry: That’s probably worse, my parents forever remind me what a handful I used to be.

Butch: You haven’t changed that much, then. It’s fortunate gay couples are allowed to adopt or have children by surrogate these days in many countries, including ours.

Harry: Yeah, it’s nice to know we can if we decide that’s the right thing for us. I know there are many gay couples who would make wonderful parents.

Dix: Sure. Nowadays, many shops even carry greeting cards for new gay dads and moms.

Butch: I can imagine you and Ian being great dads like the one in that Spanish film about a bear bringing up his nephew. What’s it called now?

Harry: You mean, Bear Cub? We love that film. I wish there were more films like that out there. Isn’t the daddy bear in it easy on the eye?

Butch: Oh, yes. I remember when it came out, all my friends were raving about it. There have been a few other bear themed movies released around that time, but it’s a shame not many in the last few years to my knowledge.

Dix: I certainly haven’t come across any. Won’t it be refreshing to have something other than coming of age stories about confused young gay twinkies?

Butch: There are definitely a lot of those. If not, they’ll be about the sad demise of a group of hedonistic, self-absorbed gay men lost in sex and drugs.

Harry: I’ve seen a couple of films like that too and really don’t relate to them at all. I do enjoy the handful of political films about the LGBT movement, but none of them have bears in them. Where’s our representation these days?

Butch: They should definitely make more films about the lives of big hairy bears.

Dix: I agree. Have you two heard of this popular online bear comedy series about three bears solving murder mysteries and getting into all kinds of compromising situations?

Butch: Of course. Wasn’t I who introduced you to it? They’re seriously hilarious, and all the bears on that show are damn sexy.

Harry: I’ve only seen clips, but still haven’t got around to watching it properly.

Dix: You’re missing out. You should binge-watch it with Ian one weekend. I guarantee you guys will be rolling around in stitches.

Harry: Maybe we’ll when we’re both at home and free. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen often.

Butch: It’s tough working shifts, I suppose. I can lend you my uncut copy with all the rear nudity, if you want.

Harry: Yes, please. Always happy to see big bear butts, but no full-frontal, how disappointing?

Butch: Haven’t you seen enough cocks and balls in porn already? Then again, some of the low-budget bear porn are practically comedies themselves.

Dix: As long as the bears are hot, who cares about the story?

Harry: I rather they don’t pretend to have any story at all. Just get down to business and show me the money shot.

Dix: Can’t argue with that, but now and then, I rather enjoy those unbelievably corny scenarios. Isn’t porn all about selling fantasies, after all? So, it’s nice to see some context before they get naked.

Butch: Personally, I can take it or leave it. It all depends on the quality of the porn. If it’s well filmed, a bit of story is OK, otherwise just forget the dialogues and go straight to the good stuff. One thing that pisses me off all the time, is the annoying electronic background music. What’s wrong with good old moaning and groaning, or other sex noises? I know for a fact, they can be a massive turn on for many guys.

Harry: What? You like all the “Yeah, yeah, right there”; “Fuck me, fuck me harder”; and “Don’t stop, I’m cumming”?

Dix: A bit of verbal is fine with me, too. Who wants to hear romantic piano music when two sweaty muscle bears in leather are going at it like they are demolishing the room?

Harry: Well, anything is better than that groovy 70s porn soundtrack! Personally, instead of music, wouldn’t it be funny to hear the director telling the porn stars where to put this and that?

Dix: I’ve seen a few behind the scene footage of porn shoots, and it’s not as fun as one imagined. Sometime, a 15-minute scene can take a whole day of shooting to get right.

Harry: They must have one hell of stamina. I don’t think I could stay hard for that long, regardless how smoking hot are my co-stars. Maybe a talented fluffer would help.

Butch: That’s where cock rings and those little blue pills come to the rescue. Of course, unless one’s 18 and gets an instant hard-on whenever someone mentions S E X.

Dix: Yeah, don’t I know it when I was that age. I guess some porn stars naturally have the power to cum on demand, over and over again.

Harry: That’s what they get paid for, I suppose. Didn’t you mention something about playing with a bear porn star once?

Dix: You’re right, I’ve nearly forgotten about it. You must have the memory of an elephant. Patrick is not really a porn star, just took part in a film for fun. He did tell me it was a big confidence booster for someone his age and size, but not something he chose to do again.

Butch: No doubt about it. It’s easy to make a movie these days, anyone can do it, but producing a quality one is best left to the professionals.

Dix: All these talk about porn is making me thirsty. Are you guys ready for another beer?

Harry: Yes, please. I can do with another cold one.

Butch: Twist my arm. The same again will be great, thanks.

Dix: No problem, guys.