Harry: So what are you doing this weekend, Butch? Not working again, I hope.

Butch: No, thank god. Life is finally back to its normal pace now the new software update is released. My place is an absolute tip at the moment since I didn’t have time to tidy up with the deadline hanging over my head the last couple of weeks. I really have to make a start cleaning this weekend, otherwise I feel bad asking any of my tricks back to mine in its current state. What will they think of me? A complete pig?

Harry: You said it, not me. I doubt they’ll pay much attention to your pile of washing up and dirty laundry everywhere. They just want your body and porky sausage.

Butch: But still, I’d like to leave a good impression.

Harry: I’m surprised you cared. I suppose smelly cum towels and used condoms littered all over the place might put your more uptight gentlemen callers off a return visit.

Butch: Ha ha ha. I'm not that much of a pig. Well, in the majority of times anyway. Maybe, I could tell my visitors it’s a piece of art installation like the unmade bed by some woman artist.

Harry: Oh, that pile of rubbish? Literally! I don’t see the fascination about it at all. I'm no art connoisseur, but it does nothing for me. Tell me, is it really art? I’d rather look at a nice landscape painting.

Butch: It’s art if the artist say it’s art, I guess. If a urinal on its side or a neatly packed pile of bricks can be art, who am I to argue?

Harry: I know. I’ve seen them both before, but I think I’ll stick to classical sculptures of naked men.

Butch: I've an open mind and don’t mind being challenged, but so much contemporary art these days needs at least an art degree to appreciate.

Harry: Yeah. And have you seen the ridiculous amount of money they sell for? I like some of them, but the rest just look pretentious to me.

Butch: Mind you, I’d pay good money for decent gay art, especially ones showing real manly men rather than perfectly built young men with immaculate hair and plucked eyebrows.

Harry: Same here, but men like us are in the minority. Have you thought about investing in the niche market of “bear art”? Did I tell you, a few years ago, a photographer friend of ours asked Ian and I to pose by for a naked bear calendar he was putting together? We seriously thought about doing it for a laugh but chickened out in the end.

Butch: Is that right? You’ve never mentioned it. Why not? Imagine, you two will be immortalized in print forever.

Harry: Come on, you know, Ian and I are not that vain.

Butch: I won't mind one to put up on my wall, especially if the rest of the models are hot too.

Harry: What? For darts practice? I don’t think Ian and I are the right wanking materials for you. I doubt you could get it up if you saw us naked.

Butch: OK, you might not be my classic type, but don’t undersell yourself. I bet your photographer friend would bring out the best in you guys.

Harry: Well, I don’t think any amount of “Photoshop” will help. Regardless, the finished calendar was very professionally and tastefully done. We bought one, and hung it in our bedroom.

Butch: Did you regret turning your friend down? You guys should have done it. I would.

Harry: Of course, you would. All your time spent in the gym has really paid off.

Butch: Thanks. It could be better. I just enjoy keeping fit, which helps to balance out my love of eating. Why don’t you fix me up for a photoshoot with him one day?

Harry: Darren is always looking for new models for his photography projects, so I doubt he’ll say no. He’s a really nice guy, you’ll like him.

Butch: Sounds good to me. What’s this Darren guy like? How did you meet him?

Harry: Oh, Darren did some photoshoots years ago for the amateur drama group Ian is involved in. I suppose he hit it off with Ian, and we all met up for a coffee a few times. He’s a nice cubby guy, probably similar age to Dix. I haven’t seen him for a while, maybe Ian has.

Butch: So he does professional work as well as taking photos of naked bears in his spare time.

Harry: That’s right. Most of them do these days. The bear thing is only a side project, I think.

Butch: Do you think he has sex with his models before or after the photoshoot? Or both?

Harry: How would I know? I bet he wouldn’t say no if there’s chemistry with the model. I know you see that in porn all the time, but being a serious photographer, he’s probably more interested in getting the right angle and lighting than having sex.

Butch: Mmm. I should volunteer as a model and go undercover to do some investigation.

Harry: Ha ha ha. Surely he'll find you to be a very photogenic subject.

Butch: It’s about time I update my profile with new pics anyway.

Harry: I’ll look up his online portfolio and message it to you. He’s probably easily found in most social media platforms.

Butch: Yes, please. Maybe I can exchange sexual favours in return for the photoshoot.

Harry: I don’t think he charges a lot because he treats it as a hobby. Anyway, don’t you have enough sex already with your huge harem of fuck buddies?

Butch: Well, if we get on, what’s wrong with one more? It’s like the old saying, if you don’t use it, you lose it, and I’m using it as often as I can. Even better if I’ve a set of new photos to show for it.

Harry: You’re incorrigible! But I’m curious to see how he captures your look and body.

Butch: Who knows? Only one way to find out. Anyway, haven’t you seen enough of me in my birthday suit? I just hope the photos don’t end up all over the internet. It’s impossible to remove once something is uploaded.

Harry: Darren is a professional and does everything by the letter of the law. You’ll probably have to sign a model release form before he can use any of your photos.

Butch: That’s good. There’s been creeps stealing my profile photos before and posting them all over the internet. One time, someone claiming to be from America even created a fake profile using my photos. Luckily, a mate of mine noticed and told me about it. I immediately got that profile taken down, but who knows if there are others out there?

Harry: Yeah. I don’t get this whole “catfish” phenomenon. I doubt anyone will use my photos.

Butch: You will be surprised. Did you read about this average looking middle age gay man had his photos used in numerous online dating scam targeted at vulnerable women? He was only alerted to it when strange women tried to contact him online. Apparently, over half a dozen women had fallen victim to it.

Harry: That’s news to me. He must be a real catch, but gay men do look after themselves better, so I’m not surprised. I do feel sorry for the poor women. I suppose it’s easy to do since we all have tonnes of everyday photos posted online these days. It just shows one has no idea who they are chatting to behind a computer screen or messaging on a phone.

Butch: I agree. That’s why I usually try to keep my chat messages generic with anyone new, and don’t agree to doing anything before actually meeting in person. I’m not saying everyone who contacts you online are crooks but can’t be too careful these days.

Harry: Thankfully, since meeting Ian, I seldom have the need to go on hookup sites or apps any more. Oh, Dix, that’s quick of you.

Dix: Beer for you, Harry. And one for you, Butch. The toilet wasn’t busy for a change and I got served not long after I got to the bar, so no complaints.

Butch: Thanks, Dix. Did Trevor serve you this time? Have you told him you have a massive crush on him yet?

Dix: Yes, and he wanted to marry me! Obviously not! I'm not some lovesick teenager. I happened to catch his eyes when I reached the bar and was served immediately. Trevor sounded a bit tired, happy hour was pretty busy today, I suppose.

Harry: Thanks for the beer, Dix. It must be the good weather, everyone decides to have a few beers after work before going home.

Dix: You’re probably right. His T-shirt was all sweaty and clinging to his body. I think he must have been changing beer barrels or doing something equally physical. It’s funny, you can see the sweat marks just under his chest and nipples.

Butch: I bet you wish you can see his sweaty furry butt crack too. Here’s to Trevor’s hirsutus gluteus maximus!

Dix: You have a one track mind. To Trevor’s hirsutus gluteus maximus!

Harry: Trevor’s hirsutus gluteus maximus!

Butch: You know, I get similar sweat marks like that every time after I’ve been to the gym. It’s a sign of a good session. I’ve no idea how some guys’ T-shirt can stay dry after exercising.

Dix: I know the feeling, so is my top after hours of planting in some client’s garden. In fact, some days it’s absolutely dredged, it looked like I’ve been wearing it in the shower. I hate that clammy feeling when I sit down and press up again a chair.

Harry: I hate that too, but wait until you have to wear a uniform for hours on a hot summer day. No amount of deodorant can disguise the smell. I pity the patients having to put up with it.

Dix: Well, I think they’re probably more worried about their injuries and in too much pain to notice how ripe your body reeked.

Harry: That’s true. Still, I don’t want to give the impression of not having showered for a week.

Butch: I’ve met many guys who love strong body odour, especially sweaty armpits and crotch.

Harry: I bet you have. Don’t get me wrong, I prefer natural smelling guys too. I only wear deodorant when I’m at work, since I’m in close contact with people all the time. Wouldn’t it be great if I can save money on deodorant and spend it on something else, like beer?

Butch: Don’t we all? A couple of my fuck buddies love to meet me after I’ve been to the gym and specifically ask me not to shower before showing up. Apparently, my musky pheromones are better than any aphrodisiac and drive them crazy for cock.

Dix: You’re not the only one, it has happened to me before too. Once the guys heard I’ve a physical job, they want me to turn up all smelly and sweaty in my overalls, and they would spend ages sniffing and licking my sweaty pits and balls.

Harry: I suppose deep down we are all just animals driven by our basic animal instincts.

Butch: And ripe hairy armpits.

Dix: Speak for yourself.

Butch: I can’t help it if my fuck buddies find my sweaty armpits irresistible, well among other body parts, obviously.

Harry: I don’t want to know. If you start to stink like a school boy changing room, you can drink by yourself on another table far away from me.

Dix: Ah, the combination of muddy kits, sweaty socks, and cheap body sprays bring back fond memories.

Harry: Good for you. I was never that sporty at school, so the changing room was just a necessary evil to me. It’s somewhere to quickly change clothes before and after gym class without lingering a second too long and attracting any unwanted attention.

Butch: School and especially the locker room could be a cruel place for many. Personally, I rather enjoy all the locker room banter and chasing each other around partly dressed.

Dix: You would! I was never one of those guys, but there’s something unforgettable about bonding with the rest of the team after a game, whether it is celebration over victory or commiseration in defeat.

Harry: It must be. Personally, I’m just thankful it was a long time ago. It’s funny to think, back in my school days, I would never imagine enjoying myself stark bollocks naked all day on a nude beach with hundreds of sexy men.

Dix: Me too. I never thought any guy would find my body attractive when I was young. I didn’t have the best body among my classmates, but luckily no one dared to give me grief since I was big for my age and played for the school rugby team.

Butch: We’ve all felt like that before. I think being part of the non-judgemental bear community helped many guys struggling with self-image and self-esteem.

Harry: That’s true. Even for a big ugly ogre like me.

Dix: Are you kidding? How many times do we have to repeat ourselves? You’re one sexy bear, and I don’t say it because I’m your friend. Your husband will agree with us.

Harry: He has to, he’s married to me! Talking about Ian, he wasn’t needed in the latter half of the play rehearsal tonight, so he should be back around dinner time.

Butch: Great. I suppose with you working shifts, you don’t get many quality meal times together.

Harry: We make do. Last weekend we made a large pot of lamb curry, and we’re going to warm up the leftovers tonight, so no need to cook or wait for takeaway.

Butch: Very nice. Is there enough for one more?

Harry: I doubt it. Plenty for two big bears, but not three, especially when one of them is a bottomless pit like you. Maybe next time.

Butch: Deal. I’ll hold you to it. You know I love your cooking and never say no to free food.

Dix: I've no idea where you put all that food you eat, there’s hardly an ounce of fat on you.

Butch: It could be just down to good genes, and as you all know, I work out a lot.

Harry: In fact, if I want to make dinnertime, I should go after this pint.

Butch: Are you sure you don’t have time for one more? Go on, you know you want to.

Harry: It’s tempting, but I really shouldn’t. And I’m feeling quite peckish already.

Butch: Now that you mention it, I can do with some feeding too. What dinner plans do you have Dix?

Dix: Nothing, but it has to be a quick meal since I haven’t worked weekend mornings recently, so I said I’ll be in bright and early tomorrow.

Butch: What good is being the boss if you can’t avoid working the antisocial hours, and you’ve just secured a big deal for the business.

Dix: If only I were a CEO of a huge cooperation. Mine’s only a small business, and I'm more of a hands-on person anyway.

Harry: I think you have done very well in a short amount of time. All your hard work speaks for itself. Well, do excuse me guys, the beer is going right through me and I doubt I can hold it in till I get home.

Butch: You better go and drain your bladder instead of being caught short on the way. We don't want any accidents now, do we?

Harry: Yes, DAD. Be right back.

•••••

Butch: So Dix, apart from work, are you up to anything interesting over the weekend? Maybe a hot daddy bear or two lined up?

Dix: I wish. Lately, all I’ve been thinking about is securing this deal, and haven’t really looked. Now that it’s finally signed, I’ll probably spend more time online and see if anyone fancies hooking up for some fun. Failing that, there is a garden show in town. It’s running for the rest of the month, so there will be plenty of opportunities to visit. These shows are good for getting new ideas and finding out what the competitors are doing.

Butch: Surely there will plenty of horny guys looking for a little stress relief after the show. Maybe you’ll even run into another sexy garden designer.

Dix: Slim chance of that. As usual there will be lots of families and couples with the odd tradesman mixed in.

Butch: Surely some of the men would have been dragged along just for the ride, bored stiff aimlessly following their wives or partners, longing for some distractions.

Dix: That’s true sometimes, but that’s more for flower shows. Lots of men are really into their gardening. I suppose it’s one of the few macho physical pastimes in this age of office cubicle drones.

Butch: Tell me about it. I’m one of them. If only I had the patience and the space. I’ll settle for lifting heavy weights to maintain my alpha male status.

Dix: And you do that in spades. Wish I were as well-built as you are.

Butch: Don’t be, you look good as you are. I’m happy to show you a few routines at the gym to tone up a bit if you want to.

Dix: Maybe I’ll take you up on it one day. I mostly do cardio at the gym and only occasionally lift a dumbbell or two. It’s probably down to lack of motivation, so I suppose a gym partner would help.

Butch: Yeah, very often the case. I’ve trained with several gym partners before, but these days I’m happy just with working out alone to music.

Dix: I understand. I often see people chat more than work out at the gym I go to.

Butch: Don’t I know it? So many of them have no idea about proper gym etiquettes. That’s why I work out at a bodybuilding gym, people there tend to be a bit more focused.

Dix: I bet. Are there many gay men at your gym?

Butch: How should I know? As long as they don't interrupt my routine and tidy after themselves, I couldn’t care less who they fuck. Also, beefcakes are not really my type. Why do you ask? It’s not a gay gym, if that’s what you’re thinking.

Dix: Just curious, that’s all. I’ve this image of bodybuilding gyms full of muscle Marys who get up to no good with each other in the shower or changing room.

Butch: That only happens in gay porn. It wouldn’t surprise me if a few guys all pumped full of testosterone after a serious session have to jerk off in the bathroom to release the tension – but nothing in public. There had been times after a punishing upper body workout, I could barely take my top off, let alone having a wank.

Dix: I’ve seen videos of these musclemen film themselves lifting massive weights then jerk off in the changing room before posting it online to show off.

Butch: OK, there is that. It’s not exclusive to us gays, most bodybuilders are natural exhibitionists.

Dix: If you’ve got it, might as well flaunt it.

Butch: Ha ha ha. So true.

Harry: What’s so funny?

Butch: Nothing. We are just discussing muscle Marys in the gym. That was quick, no queue at the gents?

Harry: Interesting, I don’t think either of you are into muscle Marys. If you really want to know, all the urinals were taken. Luckily, a cubicle just became free, and I made a beeline for it, so I could piss comfortably without being elbowed from both sides.

Dix: Just like we were saying earlier on, it’s ridiculous how cramped it gets in there some time.

Butch: No shit! It’s often awkward trying to fit my shoulders between the guys on both sides and still aim my cock at the urinal.

Dix: Such a hard life being a muscle bear.

Butch: You’ve no idea. It’s also a nightmare whenever I fly. Those seats are definitely not made for big guys like me.

Dix: I sympathise. I’ve read some airlines are trying to make obese passengers purchase two instead of one seat. Not saying you are obese, obviously, but more room would be nice.

Butch: A few chubby guys, I’ve played with before, most likely have to do that whenever they fly. Well, I just pity the people sitting next to me.

Harry: You were fidgeting a lot on the flight to Spain. It’s like sitting next to a giant wiggly worm.

Butch: It’s just hard to get comfortable flying in cattle class. One time my company flew me in business class to America for a conference, and now that was something else.

Dix: I can only imagine. I’ve never flown business class, let alone first class. Would be nice to try one day.

Harry: As long as it gets me from A to B, I can put up with several hours of discomfort. A handsome beary steward serving me would help to ease the pain.

Butch: Are you thinking about joining the mile high club? I’ve only encountered dolled up stewardesses or really camp stewards. I’m not trying to stereotype them. It’s just my experience.

Harry: I’ve met a couple of hunky pilots through the years and maybe a steward too.

Dix: Oh, bears in uniform? Nice. Can you imagine flying and sowing one’s wild oats all over the world?

Harry: I don’t recall the exact details now, apart from one of the pilots was African American with a big, hearty laugh. He yelled so loudly when he orgasmed, I thought he was having a heart attack. Well, sorry to disappoint you, none of them show up in uniform. Even if they did, their uniform wouldn’t stay on for very long.

Butch: Sounds about right, knowing you. It could be fun sampling the local cuisines at all the stops, I suppose, but I don’t think I can do a job that involves waking up in a different time zone every day.

Harry: You don’t have a problem with waking up in a different bed every day! Well, flying is not a glamorous job, but someone’s got to do it. I think it would be an experience to fly a plane – I don’t mean a passenger jet – just a small light aircraft freely circling the sky like a bird.

Butch: How dare you, calling me a slut? You are no angel yourself! By the way, I’m more than happy paying someone else to fly me around.

Dix: Personally, not sure if I’ll be able to fly even if I have wings, better to lose a few pounds first. Can you picture me in the sky? Talking about a flying pig!

Harry: You're not that fat. As you know, many guys find a nice little chunky guy like you very attractive. Have you scored recently?

Dix: Butch just asked me that. Why are you guys so interested in my sex life? Surely Butch’s is immensely more colourful than mine. Have I scored recently? In a word, no. The deal I completed today has been keeping me busy, so no time for random hook-ups.

Butch: What happened with that tourist you told us about during our last drinking session?

Dix: Do you mean Barry from up north?

Harry: That’s the one. How did the date go? Was he good in bed?

Dix: I was a bit apprehensive meeting someone for the first time after chatting online for some time, but he turned out to be a nice, genuine daddy bear. Very down to earth and easy to get on with.

Butch: Just your type, then. Go on, spill the beans, did you have sex with him?

Dix: No, well, not at first anyway.

Butch: I knew it.

Dix: If you really want to know, I met Barry at his posh hotel bar as planned and before long we were chatting like a couple of old friends. He was a bit tired after all the travelling, so I left after a few drinks and let him get a good night’s sleep. I volunteered to show him around town in the morning, and he gladly accepted.

Harry: You’re such a good boy scout.

Dix: It’s the least I can do. I picked him up the next day at his hotel and spent a couple of hours wandering around, seeing the popular sights. We eventually reached the riverbank and ended up having sandwiches for lunch on a bench overlooking the river.

Harry: And a romantic too. Did you show him the gay cruising grounds too?

Dix: Why would I? I did point out a gay sauna when we happened to walk past. Since I had to work in the afternoon, I left him to explore the city alone. Before I left, he offered to buy me dinner as a way to say thank you. How could I turn that down?

Butch: Definitely, never refuse free food. So did he offer anything apart from dinner? Maybe his body too?

Dix: It’s like a corny romcom. After an expensive meal, we went back to his hotel bar for a night cap and one thing led to another, I found myself naked in bed with him.

Butch: You dog! How was the sex?

Dix: In short, we had fun together. He was very oral and loved sucking my cock, before long we were 69ing each other. His big bushy beard felt great brushing against my balls when he was bobbing up and down on my rock hard cock. After a while, I shifted forward and started rimming his hairy hole. He loved it so much, I could hear him moaning between swallowing my cock deep down his tight throat. I really tried to hold on for as long as I could manage, but ultimately it felt too good, and I shot my thick load straight into his stomach.

Butch: Now that’s one tasty dessert.

Harry: I hope you finished him off too before cleaning up and leaving.

Dix: Of course I did. After he licked up the remaining drops of my cum, I turned my focus from eating his soft pink hole to his tight ball sac. I sucked one ball after another, and watched his precum-dripping cock throbbed wildly, demanding release. Naturally, he grabbed it with only a few firm squeezes, and his daddy cream was sprayed all over my chest and sheets.

Harry: Not that’s a happy ending! But I feel sorry for the housekeeping staff cleaning after you.

Dix: I’m sure we weren’t the only one leaving cum stained sheets behind, they’re probably used to it. Normally that’s my cue to go after we’ve cleaned ourselves up, but to my surprise, Barry asked me to stay over. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the sex, but I slept like a baby wrapped in his big arms against his warm hairy body all night.

Harry: You know? That’s one of my favourite things. It’s like sleeping with a warm furry hot water bottle.

Dix: Exactly. It’s a shame, I rarely spent the night with my hook-ups. Believe it or not, I was eventually woken up by an unusual sensation. It turned out Barry was servicing my morning wood, and we went for round two unsurprisingly.

Butch: Got to love playing with morning wood. I do miss waking up to someone sucking me off.

Harry: Who doesn’t? So, did you guys spend the rest of the day having sex?

Dix: Unfortunately not. After we were all cummed out, we tidied ourselves up, and went for a late breakfast. I said goodbye afterwards and left him to prepare for his meeting the following day.

Harry: Glad to hear you both had fun. It’s no big secret, Ian frequently pitches a big tent in the morning, and what am I supposed to do but to give him a helping hand?

Dix: Lucky you. I wish I could wake up next to a nice bear every day, too.

Butch: You will do. I’m happy to hear it turned out to be a memorable date. Have you heard from him since? Is he likely to come back any time soon?

Dix: Yes, apparently the meeting went well and if he gets the contract, he could be down more often.

Butch: Cool. Wait and see. You’ll never know, he could be the one.

Dix: Who knows? We’ve only met once, but we did get on well and have plenty in common. The sex was good too. Hopefully, if there’s a next time, he would give my arse a good seeing to with his big daddy cock.

Harry: Can’t wait to hear all about it. Well, my beer is all gone, so it's probably time for me to go home and have dinner with Ian. Maybe he'll give me a good seeing to after dinner, like your daddy bear.

Butch: Just undo a few buttons on your shirt and show some of your thick chest hair, I promise Ian won’t be able to keep his hands off you. Anyway, have a fun night with Ian, and thanks for the beer. It’s good to see you, let’s meet up again for a beer before pride.

Harry: Is it time for pride already? Yeah, should be good. Message me, and we’ll find a day we’re all free.

Dix: Good idea. Great to see you as usual, Harry. Say hi to Ian for me and see you soon.

Harry: Later, guys. Bye.

Butch: Bye, Harry.

Dix: Butch, are you still on for some food?

Butch: Sure, I’m actually quite hungry now. Let’s drink up and go. What do you fancy eating?

Dix: One more sip and I’ll be ready. No idea why, but I feel like Thai green curry and satay.

Butch: Sounds like a grand idea. It’s been a while since I’ve Thai food. How about the one we’ve been to before for Harry's birthday some time ago?

Dix: That’ll do, and it’s not far from here.

Butch: Well, I’m ready when you are.

Dix: I’m done. Let’s go then, the satays are not going to eat themselves and I can’t get enough of their special peanut sauce.

Butch: Yeah, I love meat on a stick. Whoever first thought of it must be a genius. Do you think my meat would taste good coated in peanut sauce too?

Dix: Probably? Everything taste better covered in peanut sauce, but I’ll keep to the chicken meat variety if you don’t mind. You can always experiment with one of your fuck buddies, I’m sure they won’t say no.

Butch: That’s a thought. Actually, I could spice things up with a bottle of hot chilli sauce instead and, hey presto, I’ve turned their little sausage into a chilli hot dog.

Dix: Ouch! I hate to know what goes through that dirty and devilish mind of yours.

Butch: Trust me, it’s better that way.